Description
Part 1
Does your friend have time for you?
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1
Consider whether your friend pays attention to you and really listens. If you're
there for your friend and listen to their stories and give good advice, but they won't return the favor,
they are not real friends. This shows that they only want to talk about themselves and they don't care
less about you and what you want to say.
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2
Test how much your friend has time only when it benefits your friend. Notice how
often your friend's friendliness increases whenever they want you to do something for them, and
diminishes whenever they don't want you to do something for them.
- For example, let's say you're going to have an awesome party next weekend. This person may start
being nice to you and acting like your friend so you will invite them. Or they start being nice to you
and then try to get you to do something you wouldn't ordinarily do.
- This is a major sign that they only want to pretend to be your friend as long as there is something
you can do for them, but not be your friend if they can't get something specific for their efforts.
Realize that some people will only be your friend if you do something for them. Try to be aware of the
fact that this person probably does not want to be your friend, and find someone better to hang
out with who actually likes you for who you are.
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3
Notice how often your friend forgets or ignores important dates to you. They will
tell you all about the presents they received on their birthday or the wonderful time they had on their
wedding anniversary. But when those dates roll around for you, either the false friend is nowhere to be
seen or heard from or they will contact you after the date has passed and claim that they forgot all
about it. This is definitely a sign the person is interested in you only as a casual acquaintance, not a
real friend.
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4
Notice how often a friend breaks promises that they make to you. Maybe your friend
calls you up to see a movie, but then cancels your plans at the last minute, or even worse only a minute
or two after making it. This can be a major sign that the person does not want your friendship but only
your companionship, and only when they can get nobody better to fill that void.
Part 2
Does your friend support or undermine you?
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1
Notice how often a friend tries to embarrass you or make you look bad in front of anyone or
everyone, especially after you've told, asked, or begged them to stop. This can be a major sign
that the person does not care for you as a friend but rather as a source of entertainment - at your
expenses, of course.
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2
Observe if the "friend" is mean to you or makes fun of you all the time. A mean
friend may try to take advantage of you or possibly push you around. Keep in mind that some friends make
fun of you in a joking way, while others do it to lower your self-esteem. Realize what they are doing,
and find someone else who appreciates you.
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3
Notice how often they belittle your accomplishments. If you write a superb piece of
fiction they will accuse you of plagiarizing it from another source. Sometimes they will praise your work
to your face, but you may discover they are making fun of it behind your back. Being two-faced is not a
sign of a real friend.
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4
Notice how often a friend chews you out for making mistakes (even the smallest or pettiest
ones) or for bringing their very mistakes to their attention. Some people want to surround
themselves with perfectly-behaving people so that they will be perceived as being better than they
actually are. It doesn't work, but lots of people for some reason believe that it does.
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5
Notice how often the person only behaves friendly to you when no other friends are
around/when nothing else is going on for them. This may mean that the person is talking to you
out of boredom when they have nothing better to do, and does not actually want to be your friend. Also,
if the person constantly leaves without warning or explanation, take this as a hint they do not want to
be your friend, and need some better priorities.
Part 3
Does your friend respect you?
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1
Consider whether your friend respects what you like. True friends respect the
things that you like so, they would not want to change your field of interest. If you are a person that
enjoys attending art galleries, museums, and going to musical theaters, then your friends should support
that no matter what. If they try to make you go to rock concerts that are not enjoyable or go to movie
theater with noisy people when you don't want to, perhaps they aren't a true friend.
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2
Consider whether your friend respects your values. Real friends respect another
friends' moral values. If you have very high moral values, then your friends should either share the same
values or respect them. If you do not believe in having sexual intercourse before marriage, then your
friends should respect and leave it at that. If they believe in "friends with benefits" and push it onto
you, then you should leave them alone and find someone else that does not believe in that mantra.
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3
Notice how often your friend ignores you. This means ignoring what you say,
ignoring your presence, failing to introduce you when they're making introductions, they offer something
to someone nearby but not to you, etc. Some people just like to talk about themselves and not care one
bit about you. On the other hand, some people act super nice to you one day, but the next day they act as
though they have no idea what-so-ever of who you are. What ever may be the case, you should think twice
about being this person's friend if this is frequently occurring.
Part 4
Moving forward from a negative friendship
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1
If you find yourself to be in any of the above situations very often at all, it might be
time to start seeking other people to spend time with. If you find yourself to be in one or more
of the above situations pretty frequently, it is time to start spending time with other people. Remember
though that some people have differing personalities and it is usually a good idea to talk to someone
about the situation before entirely scrapping your friendship, in case what you have judged to be a false
friend is actually not.
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2
Consider whether there are any mitigating factors. Friends may turn abnormal
especially when they are out of work, so do not decide too soon. However, if they have been acting
unfriendly for too long, they may have a hidden grudge.
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3
Go back in time to analyse what you did to the unreal friend. Did you fail to help
them out or manage their expectations? There may be a clue there.
4
Remind yourself often that real friends love you just the way you are. If they are
trying to change you in a way that makes them accept you, then don't waste your time on them.
